How Swimming Saved A Teenager

 I was reminiscing about high school for some odd reason. One of the memories that popped up was about being in the swim team. One year before I entered Sparks High, the swim team had this cute sweatshirts made that said "SHS Swimmers like it wet!" and I just thought it was the most clever and funny thing ever. I loved those sweatshirts. I mean, I didn't have one as they were made the year before I entered high school. Anyway, I think it was my Junior year when; if I remember correctly, the principal saw someone wearing the sweatshirt and she was highly offended and it was not allowed on campus anymore. Am I recalling this correctly?

Also, swimming saved my life. My freshman year for me was rough. For some odd reason, I had been bused to Clayton Middle in Reno for ESL classes, although there was a middle school less than four blocks away from our Section 8 apartment that had an ESL program in Sparks. Most of the Clayton kids got to go to either McQueen or Reno high. I was zoned for Sparks, which meant that I would enter high school not knowing anyone. I got bullied a lot that year. I was obese at that time, and I remember this one Jessie (asshole) who in-front of the entire Algebra class told me that I was so fat that I needed a bra. I was so hurt. I cried and cried and the poor lady teaching the math class didn't know what to do to get me to stop crying. LOL LOL. Anyway, I started to have really bad anxiety and bouts of bawling at home in the evenings. And then I signed up for PE swimming and then joined the swimming team and my life totally changed. It really did. It no longer mattered what happened between 7:30 and 2:00 PM - all I looked forward to was swimming at Alf Sorensen Pool next to Reed High. Being in the water was everything. It gave me the opportunity to be alone, to think, to get away, and I didn't know it at the time, but to meditate. I really own my sanity to swimming.

During the winter semester, people could still sign up for swimming. The number of students that signed up for that class was minimal so they would lump several high schools into one pool. I remember this one winter we were swimming at this one pool in North Reno closer to Reno High and there was this one snobby bitchy entitled girl from McQueen who pissed me off, and I don't really remember what she did or said to me, but I was mad and I was going to get her. I was gonna get that bitch!! bhahahha. So I had this bright idea that I would take a bottle of shaving cream and while everyone was in the lockers changing, that I would go and cover her car in shaving cream. Little did I know that some snitch had watched me and had then gone and reported me to the coach. We went thru practice and went to shower and change and all that, and upon exciting the locker room the coach was standing there with a bucket and he made me wash the car by hand in front of everyone in the middle of winter. LOL LOL. The school bus was delayed while I finished my punishment. People were not happy. I'll never forget that. I believe I never sought revenge against anyone after that - not physical revenge at least, I still psychologically put people thru the worst. hehehehe

Bahahahahhaha. Good god.

One last thing, I was also thinking about the current lives of my HS class mates, my own included. Funny that most, ended up in situations that I had NOT envisioned them in. Life is definitely a very interesting thing.

And... I need my car washed. Any recommendations in Concord, CA?

After the needle's prick, life instantly began to resume its normalcy. NOT.

I got my vaccine almost two weeks ago. I was thinking back to the day when I went in to get it and how to me, it felt... monumental. But it actually turned out to be just another sunny day. No fanfare. Where was my button advertising that I had been vaccinated? Why didn't anyone clap? Where was the band and the cheerleaders? No. Nothing. I sat there for 15 minutes to ensure I didn't have any major side effects and then they gave me an oversized card that doesn't even fit in my wallet and I was sent on my merry way with a boring band-aid of a hideous flesh color that I don't even know how to describe. If only the band-aid had had Snoopy on it or something. I just read some celebrity's post about how "you can feel the change as we begin to return to normal". What? Really? I didn't feel shit in terms of returning to normal. And to be honest, I am scared of that next life. My "normal", as many of you as well, was actually drastically changed and I don't get to go back to a normal. I am left with a new life working remotely, deprived of daily human connection and collaboration. I am now literally glued to a computer monitor and fucking Zoom/Team meetings. I don't like this. I also know that my emotions have been reconstructed by this whole experience. At first it felt like I had it all under control, because I am a survivor, an adaptor, a high achiever, high-producer. But the reality is that, a lot of my individual successes were fueled by a collaborative environment, competition, challenges, support. I didn't have that this past year. Neither in my work life nor in my personal life. I can't point finger and lord knows I want to, but the truth is that we were all too busy trying to cope and trying to make sense of what was going on and how we were going to adapt. I fucking ran 1100 miles in 2020 and probably walked some 500 more. So far in 2021, I have ran 250 miles and have walked over 400 miles, because I take myself out for a walk every damn day to get a Starbucks at the plaza just to get myself the fuck out of the house and those walks are/were my priority - the boring complicated work could wait, because I would have time later... but the problem was that I was too busy nursing my fragility and my anxiety and my fear to really focus on the work. My heart and mind took precedence over all else - and at first, our BS bosses and companies told us this was all okay. "Take care of yourselves first!", but then when we did and our work suffered a bit or when suddenly the pace started to drastically pick up... the allowances are minimal, and the expectation for repair are high. What is my point? I do not know. But I do know that although I was blessed to have a job, shelter, cats, and things to keep me busy and even blessed to be isolated and not have to worry about navigating the complexities of being sequestered with others in a small space, or having to try and educate a kid via remote learning while also trying to do a job and trying to run a home, all at the same time with limited resources and surrounded by the same colored walls and the same smells and sounds over and over and over again. Gosh.. I am grateful, but I do know that I have been left changed. IF not changed, at least scarred. I am not sure how to nurse that wound and just pick up and go. Do you?