I really believe in supporting my community and trying to leave as much of my money here in Concord and the East Bay as i can. San Francisco and Oakland have a massive population and wave of support and will never suffer without my financial investments.
Having said that, yesterday Saturday (4/5/14), I decided to go to Armando's in Martinez for some Jazz. I found this little dingy bar that hosts a lot of musical events every day of the week. I liked it. It was fun. The music was great. The People? Not so much. I think it's one of those establishments that has a set of regulars that attend the events and so when a new person comes in - they panic? I don't know. People were not that friendly. Regardless, I had a good time. Didn't get to dance though. (Let me just add that I was wearing daisy-dukes, a stripe shirt and wedges with my tattoos exposed - not that what I wear should define me, but I knew that i would raise some eyebrows.)
So that when the event was over, it was around 10 PM and I was ready to party. And I decided that I was going to drive back to Concord and go sing karaoke. I had to options, I could go to The Office (which is a total dive bar, white trash as hell, but people are friendly, regardless of how trashy the place may be) and the other options was Captain's Chest - that place is tiny and you really never know who is going to be there, either locals, regulars or the young drunk crazy people - It can be fun; but it's really hit or miss.
Anyway, I had not been to Captain's Chest in over a year, so i decided to go and make an appearance. When i got there at almost 11; the place was packed with drunk young people from Walnut Creek (Sup Bro?) with a dash of old-timers here and there. I put my song in and got up to sing "Mustang Sally", and the crowd appreciated it, they sang the chores and clapped and all that jazz. At one moment I was in line for the bathroom and this guy came over and said to me "You are back on the line?" and I thought he was referring to the bathroom line, so i said "Excuse me?", and he replied, "to sing. Are you back on the line to sing?" and so I giggled and said "Yes" to which he responded with "Yeah!! Cuz you're fucking awesome." "Thank you" I replied, and he followed with "You're welcome". He was nice.
So, I drank more soda waters and waited for my turn while I debated what to sing. Between the "You're fucking awesome" and my turn to sing, there was a shift in clientele, some cool people left to be replaced by some really invasive trashy drunk people. I could feel the change in the place. It turned a bit "harsh". I just ignored it and minded my own business. Some guys started to sing songs that would be labeled as "Gay"; for example: I will survive. i will always love you. It was my turn then to raise an eyebrow? I interpreted this as a form of mockery towards me. Maybe I was being paranoid. I don''t know.
Then i was my turn to sing. I had spent the last hour thinking of what i would sing and do a crowd-pleaser. People were having fun and stuff and I wanted to keep the mood going. One lady commented on my voice and how nice she thought it was that i opted out for a Joss Stone and try to showcase my beginner vocals so more.
As I was getting up to the microphone and told the KJ what I wanted to sing. I heard a "What the fuck?!!!" from the table in the front close to the mic. I loved over and i saw this white man in this forties smirking and pointing in my direction and the whole table was huddled around his comments. I got uncomfortable, but I just decided to let it go and sing my song. I believed that once i started singing Joss Stone's "Right to be Wrong" was going to make everything alright.
I started to sing. The music was not that loud and so I felt I had to overcompensate vocally -which is truly not my strength. Anyway, two verses into the song, the "What the Fuck" decides that he is going to come up to me. He walked up to me and got about six inches from my face, as if he was going to ask me a question or have a conversation with me. I simply stopped. i didn't panic, but I just did not tap into my cleverness or defense bitchiness. I stopped and said "HI?". Then everything else happened so fast, the KJ was on her feet and on her way over and took the drunk back to the table and I simply put the microphone back on it's holder and I looked at the other KJ and said "It's okay."
I went back to my table. The 70-year old lady whose name was Dolores, with the corona and half a stick of eyeliner said to me "that's a shame. i was really enjoying that song."
The KJ came up and asked me if I wanted to sing in a little bit, but I thanked her and declined and i realized I was ready to leave. And so i said goodbye to Dolores and agreed to go salsa dancing with her one day and I left the place.
As I walked out the door of the Captain Chest's, I realized more and more how I didn't fit in At All. You know, I've had some good times there, met some great people... but I've also had my shares of moments of judgement from others and at another time one drunk straight dude came up to me and started humping me while I was singing Adele.... really? what the fuck? When did it become acceptable for gay men to be this physically accessible to drunk people? Oh... wait, let me rethink that questions.
So, I left the place and as i was driving home, it was then that I realized how angry I was. And how far back into my past this experience had taken me!! I don't even really remember that last time that someone had made me feel so targeted and isolated... I think the last time was in high school when some guy named Jeff told me that my boobs were so big that I needed a bra! (I was an obese kid.).
Anyway, last night was a productive night out in my community - but this man ruined it for me. When i got home I found myself saying that i wish I had just stayed in. :(
But, I will heal from this experience and i will fix shit; and I refuse to allow this one mother fucker to ruin my view of my community and I will learn from this, i cannot allow some drunk asshole to ruin my night... any night. Fuck him.
