A Letter to Self

Dear Self:

I hope that when you get this letter you find yourself in good spirit and in great health.  I am writing to you to tell you something that I don't often say to anyone, or that I had held back on vocalizing for quite some time and that I should say more often:

I love you.

I do.  And along with this confession, I am writing to also ask for your forgiveness.  I want you to forgive me for the many years of neglect that i have put you through.

Please forgive the many years that I neglected loving you because i was too busy loving someone else - or thinking that i did.

I am sorry for changing in my attempts to become the person I thought others wanted me to be, instead of the person that i wanted to be.

I am sorry for all of the bad things that I put you thru in an effort to distract the mind and sedate the heart.  I am sorry for all the booze; for all the men, and for the many ways in which I neglected our body which include poor eating habits and lack of rest and so on.

I am also sorry for allowing myself to be foolish and give strangers more importance than the family.  Your family is amazing and they are there for you.  In good and bad; they'll be there for you.  You should too.

I am sorry to keep on torturing you with thoughts of what is no longer.  I know you are ready to move on and you want to be happy - i am sorry for being an asshole and always finding ways to revert back to square one.

I am sorry for holding you back and for inventing a myriad of excuses and threats to keep you where you are.  You deserve so much better than this and your potential is endless.  You should ignore me and tell me to shut the fuck up and go seek your life.

I am sorry for the anger.  I am sorry for the fear.  I am sorry for the sadness.  I am sorry for the many times that I made irrational decisions that had huge impacts on your future, which I often masqueraded as "You only live once" but in reality, I was acting on a level of self-destructiveness and unconsciously working on sabotaging your positives steps forwards.

I am not a good self.  But you are.  I am empowering you to fulfill your outmost possible potential!!  Please forgive me for all the wrong i've done to you.... and please, go on.  Quit nurturing me.  Take the reins of your life and gain complete control.  Leave me behind to wither and perish; like a cancerous tumor that must be cut off from the blood supply.  Go, make our life.  Make it happen.

Again, I am sorry for any ache and harm I've caused.  I love you and wish for nothing more than the very best for you.

Sincerely,

Your other self.